Dwindling

Dear diary,

Today I went to JB with my colleagues. It was fun. We had a great time shopping and eating at Teck Sing and KSL. It was a pity my Otah buns were sold out at Seasons'. It's always a fun time with my colleagues, especially Mrs Looi!

When I came back to Singapore, I had to face reality. The reality that zengwei is still not doing anything to make the relationship better. As each day passes by, I get more nonchalant about the relationship. Maybe I just want him to cherish me more, to understand how I felt when he gave me sian attitude. Now I'm really sian because I honestly think he will never get it. He will just think I'm a petty and angry girl. Always angry over small things. After more than 2 years, I realised he does not understand how I feel and what I really want from him. I always thought if someone loves you so much, he or she would be willing to change or do something for you. He doesn't. He has such always strong set of attitudes and beliefs that whatever I say to him, it always feels like I'm talking to the wall. He doesn't change for me. Well, maybe my expectations of him are too sky high. I've long given up on trying to influence him. I feel like a nobody in his life. Yea, he tells me he loves me but. I don't feel that way. As I am writing all these now, I suddenly realised why I always felt that way. At the beginning it was all sweet, forgiving and accommodating. After that, it's resistance, arguments, stubbornness always. I'm trying very hard but I don't think he is. And I am tired and unhappy. Really so unhappy. I really am.