Thinking too much.

I hate it when you assume I am thinking too much, I am being ridiculous, I am angry for nothing. I hate it when you use sarcasms in your replies or when you just dont reply anymore. Often, I think to myself, will you regret if I just die on my way home. Maybe you won't, since you are also so tired of how I behave, how our relationship is turning out to be.
Yesterday, I was talking to one of my colleagues. her situation is the exact opposite as mine. We talked about how at our age, we want to settle down and not fool around anymore. Then we question ourselves, are we in a relationship just because we want to settle down? What if the person is not the one for us? Will we be happier if we are single. Or if we find another partner. We talked about the show of respect. About communication. Same issues. I dont know where this entry is heading to. I'm just tired. Not to be spiteful but I dont really want to text you anymore. I dont want to care too much. I secretly hope you will treasure me more and talk to me more. I also secretly hope that you will be interested in my life. I used to think I must tell you everything. But then recently, some things happened at work. I feel like I dont need to tell you because it doesnt matter? Not like you will care much also.
If this keeps up, I know our marriage will be not blissful or be like those happily ever after kind. I will be unhappy, maybe you too. And you wont care if I am happy or not. Since I will always be unhappy till you get sick of me. I think I am just entering marriage for the sake of it. Because it is the right time. And honestly, because I dont know if I will find someone else to spend my life with. Oh well. If it turns out well, then good for both of us. If not, then it's okay also because from the start, I dont have much expectation. Maybe I will focus my attention on other more deserving things, my career or my children if I have any.